Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love it...the excitement...the anticipation...the wonder of a baby king...the beauty of the music...being so in awe as to "Fall on your knees...oh hear the angel voices"...all of it. But right now I am filled with anger...filled with just plain old rage. Selfishness and cruelty that zap that wonder and awe right out of me...and I hate that I have allowed it to happen. I am so tired, as a mother, of having to say to my children that it'll get better, that these things will only serve to make you stronger. Then I go in my own room and have a meltdown away from their ears. I have to tell myself that like a mantra, praying that it will be true and that their souls will survive it. We are sending them to Christmas Camp tomorrow at their normal summer camp location. I think they welcome the break from normal life to go to a true retreat from the cruel world.
I am going to finish packing them and pray that they can come back refreshed and strengthened by positive love and Christian friendship. Otherwise I think we are going off the grid and will never be heard from again. Both sound great right now.
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